CD 38....

Well I took my last Provera pill this morning and AF is nowhere in sight :( Although I did read on the Provera website as well as many others that AF does not actually come for up to 10 days after you take the last pill?! Did Lurch not think this was something that he should have shared with me?? I was under the impression that I would take this magic pill (meaning one pill) and she would hit me like a ton of bricks...yeah not the case. I guess I am just really frustrated at the lack of information I am getting about the things I am putting in my body.

I have been having regular periods since I was 13 (except for when I was pregnant) so I am just starting to worry that there really is something very different about my body in the last few months. I used to be so it tune with myself, I could tell you to the minute when AF was coming and my emotions were actually stable. This is just like a whole new ballgame. I am a bit of a control/routine freak that is kept stable by a steady balance of psych meds. At this point things are biologically out of my control and I don't like it!

Rewind, I have a history of panic attacks and depression that have been treated by the same medicines for over 6yrs and were completely under control. It took me a long time to get here though, it was like AA, admit you have a problem, seek treatment, and accept the fact that your just not "normal" and move on with your diagnosis of "medicated for the rest of your life"...lol.

Back to today, the depression seems to be getting the best of me. I am trying to stay busy and keep focused on Claire and the "here and now". But I have had to dig out of my memory bank the old copeing in vulnerable times mechanisms. So far so good..........

UPDATE!: AF came today at noon! Maybe my venting helped me relax some....